I'm perplexed by their decision. Even though I didn't know much about Vipassana before I saw you mention it weeks before, I didn't think this could happen.
I love how you are coming to terms with their decision but also took the already separated time to rest.
On the personal side, I'm curious about the reasons that led to their decisions. I'm going through some challenging situations right now and finding a lot of peace from spiritual practices: studying Buddhism, starting mala meditation with a monk, and practicing mindfulness once again.
That search and your own article made me research Vipassana and it seems that, mistakenly, I did think it could help with these negative states—ps: I didn't read this online I just thought it could.
This wasn't the time but I'm eager to listen to hear your story when it is.
I can only hope to tell you about my time in five years.
I do think experiences like this can help with inner work and challenges we face, I think this particular assistant teacher felt my case felt outside what she was happy to hold duty of care for. I guess it is objective and another teacher may have made a different decision. I do believe we all have responsibility for ourselves and know ourselves best!
Wow. Reading this, I feel very angry at this Vipassana center.
Of course, the more enlightened part of me trusts and accepts that everything happens exactly as it needs to. I trust that this was a part of your process.
But the grounded part of me feels really disappointed in how the assistant teacher handled the situation. It really does make you reflect on what a privilege it is to be completely honest in shares with the people you're surrounded by and how that honesty isn't welcome everywhere ... even in the most "spiritual" of places...
So sorry this happened to you, Caryn, but well done writing about it so insightfully. Btw, this is mystifying to me. If they kicked out everyone who struggled occasionally with anxiety and depression, pretty sure there’d be no meditators left. ;)
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I'm very surprised and can only imagine how jarring the experience must have been. It seems like you're reflection on the experience has been helpful and you're in a positive space! Life can definitely throw curveballs, and you are showing here that you have the tools and support system to handle them. Bravo to you Caryn, thank you for your openness!
Typical "me-myself-and-I" mentality. Your ego is upset because you feel like you were not given control over a decision affecting you. However, not everything in life can revolve around one's own experience and desires. The people working at the Vipassana centres are not mental health professionals but experienced meditators who volunteer. They are not trained to deal with severe mental health issues which can be brought up by the truly intense meditation sessions. If anything were to happen to you, the teachers personally, and the organisation as a whole, would share some responsibility. Perhaps they made the wrong decision to send you home, but they made it with your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of the collective in mind. Vipassana teachers tend to err on the side of encouraging one to stay, so know that their decision was not taken lightly. I am sorry you were not able to attend the course this time as it truly can be life changing in a positive way. I hope you have another chance in the future.
I was literally just kicked out of a vipassana on day 2 after many months of preparation for a similarly perplexing reason. I’m sitting at home and searched to find if this has happened to anyone else. Despite lots of correspondence back and forth and conversation, they decided to ask me to leave based on my honesty about my life experiences. Yet they emphasize being honest.
Caryn if you still see this it would be great to connect 1:1. Thanks, Erin
I was literally just kicked out of a vipassana on day 2 after many months of preparation for a similarly perplexing reason. I’m sitting at home and searched to find if this has happened to anyone else. Despite lots of correspondence back and forth and conversation, they decided to ask me to leave based on my honesty about my life experiences. Yet they emphasize being honest.
Caryn if you still see this it would be great to connect 1:1. Thanks, Erin
I appreciate you sharing this. I know how much it hurts to be made to feel like you're doing the wrong thing but nobody will tell you what or why or how to correct it. I've been through that, too, and still live with the vague sense that, at any moment, the other shoe will drop and the people I'm with or the communities I'm in will decide they don't want me around.
And re: the need for dialog to resolve conflict...that's how it's supposed to be. We live in a society that thrives on confrontation, division, and winning arguments (especially with random strangers on social media!). But conflict resolution should always be approached with a mindset of reconciliation unto restoration whenever possible. And that doesn't happen without dialog. That approach shouldn't be fringe, but alas, it is. Up to us to model it. :)
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, I agree with you so much. This part of your comment is so much how I feel "conflict resolution should always be approached with a mindset of reconciliation unto restoration whenever possible. And that doesn't happen without dialog"
Gives me hope that people like you believe in this :)
I'll admit that it took reading Ken Sande's The Peacemaker to open my eyes to it. But I came away from that book with a whole new appreciation of how stepping into the role of a peacemaker, being the person who sets the example in a conflict, can literally change the world.
you might enjoy Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg and Crucial Conversations When the Stakes are High by Kerry Patterson, Stephen R. Covey, Joseph Grenny
i imagine this was tough to share and also tough to experience. thank you for putting yourself out there by sharing it. i realized how much i don't know about vipassana. i will say i'm a bit puzzled by their decision, even after reading the whole thing.
Sad and sorry to hear you experienced this! Appreciate your clarity on what would have been a better alternative, where they worked together With you. From my imppression transparency hasnt been a strong point for the vipassana institute, can imagine it may be somn to do with trust and fear culture
I'm perplexed by their decision. Even though I didn't know much about Vipassana before I saw you mention it weeks before, I didn't think this could happen.
I love how you are coming to terms with their decision but also took the already separated time to rest.
On the personal side, I'm curious about the reasons that led to their decisions. I'm going through some challenging situations right now and finding a lot of peace from spiritual practices: studying Buddhism, starting mala meditation with a monk, and practicing mindfulness once again.
That search and your own article made me research Vipassana and it seems that, mistakenly, I did think it could help with these negative states—ps: I didn't read this online I just thought it could.
This wasn't the time but I'm eager to listen to hear your story when it is.
I can only hope to tell you about my time in five years.
I do think experiences like this can help with inner work and challenges we face, I think this particular assistant teacher felt my case felt outside what she was happy to hold duty of care for. I guess it is objective and another teacher may have made a different decision. I do believe we all have responsibility for ourselves and know ourselves best!
Wow. Reading this, I feel very angry at this Vipassana center.
Of course, the more enlightened part of me trusts and accepts that everything happens exactly as it needs to. I trust that this was a part of your process.
But the grounded part of me feels really disappointed in how the assistant teacher handled the situation. It really does make you reflect on what a privilege it is to be completely honest in shares with the people you're surrounded by and how that honesty isn't welcome everywhere ... even in the most "spiritual" of places...
So sorry this happened to you, Caryn, but well done writing about it so insightfully. Btw, this is mystifying to me. If they kicked out everyone who struggled occasionally with anxiety and depression, pretty sure there’d be no meditators left. ;)
AGREED!!!!!
Wow! Thank you for sharing. I'm very surprised and can only imagine how jarring the experience must have been. It seems like you're reflection on the experience has been helpful and you're in a positive space! Life can definitely throw curveballs, and you are showing here that you have the tools and support system to handle them. Bravo to you Caryn, thank you for your openness!
Typical "me-myself-and-I" mentality. Your ego is upset because you feel like you were not given control over a decision affecting you. However, not everything in life can revolve around one's own experience and desires. The people working at the Vipassana centres are not mental health professionals but experienced meditators who volunteer. They are not trained to deal with severe mental health issues which can be brought up by the truly intense meditation sessions. If anything were to happen to you, the teachers personally, and the organisation as a whole, would share some responsibility. Perhaps they made the wrong decision to send you home, but they made it with your own wellbeing and the wellbeing of the collective in mind. Vipassana teachers tend to err on the side of encouraging one to stay, so know that their decision was not taken lightly. I am sorry you were not able to attend the course this time as it truly can be life changing in a positive way. I hope you have another chance in the future.
I was literally just kicked out of a vipassana on day 2 after many months of preparation for a similarly perplexing reason. I’m sitting at home and searched to find if this has happened to anyone else. Despite lots of correspondence back and forth and conversation, they decided to ask me to leave based on my honesty about my life experiences. Yet they emphasize being honest.
Caryn if you still see this it would be great to connect 1:1. Thanks, Erin
Hey I am so sorry to hear that! I sent you a private message :) hugs
I was literally just kicked out of a vipassana on day 2 after many months of preparation for a similarly perplexing reason. I’m sitting at home and searched to find if this has happened to anyone else. Despite lots of correspondence back and forth and conversation, they decided to ask me to leave based on my honesty about my life experiences. Yet they emphasize being honest.
Caryn if you still see this it would be great to connect 1:1. Thanks, Erin
This is insane... "If I wanted to apply again, I would have to wait until I had no symptoms at all for five years."
I appreciate you sharing this. I know how much it hurts to be made to feel like you're doing the wrong thing but nobody will tell you what or why or how to correct it. I've been through that, too, and still live with the vague sense that, at any moment, the other shoe will drop and the people I'm with or the communities I'm in will decide they don't want me around.
And re: the need for dialog to resolve conflict...that's how it's supposed to be. We live in a society that thrives on confrontation, division, and winning arguments (especially with random strangers on social media!). But conflict resolution should always be approached with a mindset of reconciliation unto restoration whenever possible. And that doesn't happen without dialog. That approach shouldn't be fringe, but alas, it is. Up to us to model it. :)
Thank you so much for this thoughtful comment, I agree with you so much. This part of your comment is so much how I feel "conflict resolution should always be approached with a mindset of reconciliation unto restoration whenever possible. And that doesn't happen without dialog"
Gives me hope that people like you believe in this :)
I'll admit that it took reading Ken Sande's The Peacemaker to open my eyes to it. But I came away from that book with a whole new appreciation of how stepping into the role of a peacemaker, being the person who sets the example in a conflict, can literally change the world.
you might enjoy Non-Violent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg and Crucial Conversations When the Stakes are High by Kerry Patterson, Stephen R. Covey, Joseph Grenny
Thanks for the suggestions. :)
i imagine this was tough to share and also tough to experience. thank you for putting yourself out there by sharing it. i realized how much i don't know about vipassana. i will say i'm a bit puzzled by their decision, even after reading the whole thing.
Wow that's quite an experience. I did not know you needed a pristine record of mental health in order to do a Vipassana.
Sad and sorry to hear you experienced this! Appreciate your clarity on what would have been a better alternative, where they worked together With you. From my imppression transparency hasnt been a strong point for the vipassana institute, can imagine it may be somn to do with trust and fear culture
Powerful essay. Powerful woman. xo